‘What DO women want?’ This very question has plagued mankind ever since women unfortunately began to think for themselves, asserting their right for choice and preference in a partner. Regrettably I can’t provide an answer to this Delphic enquiry, however after a succession of vox-pop-interviews with U.C.D lady-students, I can advise you on how they want you to dress, and even some items of clothing they’d rather see sleeping with the fish of the UCD Lake.
“Its all about the shoes.” claims one B&L student, “Runners are for running and simply should not be part of a guys outfit…Some boys only wear runners and that's just annoying. It shows immaturity and laziness.” Be forewarned guys, apparently the sight of a pair of shabby and worn runners doesn’t aid in increasing a gals libido. If you still want something comfortable, try and spruce up your footwear with some new Chukka-Lows from Vans. Vans provide a creative and diverse range suitable to a variety of tastes, that won’t blow the budget either.
Another common offence is the UCD male population’s incessant obsession with flip-flops - No matter how badly we become affected by global warming, there will never be a need for this diabolical footwear, and as for combining them with socks, well that’s plain fashion blasphemy. Many she-students were concerned with the amount of ill-informed males as regards hat etiquette, one describing the wearing of baseball caps as “unjustifiable”. To a female, baseball caps signify an adolescent attitude, so if you’re attempting to attract a woman of legal age, forgo the cap in favour of more fashionable headgear such as a trilby, driving-cap or even an oversized beanie. Trucker hats are also always a no-no. Wearing a trucker hat generally gives off one of two impressions, neither of which has a desirable impact on a girl. The first being that you want to be Ashton Kutcher, the second being you perform illicit sexual acts in the bathrooms of American diners called the ‘Greasy Spoon’.
Just say it: Shorts. The word itself is ugly. The lazy ‘shh’, the fat, abrupt ‘ort’. Shorts, of all kinds, are very, very wrong. They are pants which have been emasculated, castrated even. Whenever the thermometer rises above 10 degrees, there’s something in the UCD water that makes guys think that it’d be a good idea to wear shorts. This in turn causes SRS (sudden revulsion syndrome) among throngs of female students, as they are exposed to the pale and knobbly knees of undergrads everywhere they turn. Once you reach Adulthood some things just aren’t acceptable. Even amongst the most handsome of physiques they can be tragically revealing. Try wearing three-quarter lengths instead to allow you to maintain some dignity.
Finally, there was much debate to be had on the topic of mens jeans, with many students attacking the topic of Skinny Jeans, one girl imperticular describing their pestilence to be “the worst thing since mesh-shirts and hammer-pants.” This is mainly owing to the fact that UCD students seem to posess an innate ability to wear jeans that are slightly too small, and slightly too short for them. There is a simple cure for this pants pandemic, and I call it the anatomy test. If I--or you--can see any of your frontal anatomy through your pants, they're too tight. If we can see any of your gluteal anatomy above your jeans, they're too loose. Also, jeans with rips and holes may have been a prominent trend way-back-when, but its time to give it a rest. A little distressing is permissable, but the over-processed-bleached-Enrique look isn’t age appropriate. Just remember, its always better to look more polished than dishevelled.
The truth is that what a girl really wants is for you to look physically like the guy on the side of an A&F bag, but we all know that’s not going to happen any time soon, so you might as well try and look good clothes-wise and hope her beer goggles do the rest of the work.
“Its all about the shoes.” claims one B&L student, “Runners are for running and simply should not be part of a guys outfit…Some boys only wear runners and that's just annoying. It shows immaturity and laziness.” Be forewarned guys, apparently the sight of a pair of shabby and worn runners doesn’t aid in increasing a gals libido. If you still want something comfortable, try and spruce up your footwear with some new Chukka-Lows from Vans. Vans provide a creative and diverse range suitable to a variety of tastes, that won’t blow the budget either.
Another common offence is the UCD male population’s incessant obsession with flip-flops - No matter how badly we become affected by global warming, there will never be a need for this diabolical footwear, and as for combining them with socks, well that’s plain fashion blasphemy. Many she-students were concerned with the amount of ill-informed males as regards hat etiquette, one describing the wearing of baseball caps as “unjustifiable”. To a female, baseball caps signify an adolescent attitude, so if you’re attempting to attract a woman of legal age, forgo the cap in favour of more fashionable headgear such as a trilby, driving-cap or even an oversized beanie. Trucker hats are also always a no-no. Wearing a trucker hat generally gives off one of two impressions, neither of which has a desirable impact on a girl. The first being that you want to be Ashton Kutcher, the second being you perform illicit sexual acts in the bathrooms of American diners called the ‘Greasy Spoon’.
Just say it: Shorts. The word itself is ugly. The lazy ‘shh’, the fat, abrupt ‘ort’. Shorts, of all kinds, are very, very wrong. They are pants which have been emasculated, castrated even. Whenever the thermometer rises above 10 degrees, there’s something in the UCD water that makes guys think that it’d be a good idea to wear shorts. This in turn causes SRS (sudden revulsion syndrome) among throngs of female students, as they are exposed to the pale and knobbly knees of undergrads everywhere they turn. Once you reach Adulthood some things just aren’t acceptable. Even amongst the most handsome of physiques they can be tragically revealing. Try wearing three-quarter lengths instead to allow you to maintain some dignity.
Finally, there was much debate to be had on the topic of mens jeans, with many students attacking the topic of Skinny Jeans, one girl imperticular describing their pestilence to be “the worst thing since mesh-shirts and hammer-pants.” This is mainly owing to the fact that UCD students seem to posess an innate ability to wear jeans that are slightly too small, and slightly too short for them. There is a simple cure for this pants pandemic, and I call it the anatomy test. If I--or you--can see any of your frontal anatomy through your pants, they're too tight. If we can see any of your gluteal anatomy above your jeans, they're too loose. Also, jeans with rips and holes may have been a prominent trend way-back-when, but its time to give it a rest. A little distressing is permissable, but the over-processed-bleached-Enrique look isn’t age appropriate. Just remember, its always better to look more polished than dishevelled.
The truth is that what a girl really wants is for you to look physically like the guy on the side of an A&F bag, but we all know that’s not going to happen any time soon, so you might as well try and look good clothes-wise and hope her beer goggles do the rest of the work.
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